He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
