curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
