there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
