U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
this hospital has no fireball
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
