Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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