idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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