1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
