Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
