gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
