Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
