It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
