Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
