i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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