You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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