So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
