Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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