youre lurking in front of me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
