Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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