OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
