I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
