i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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