It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
