Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
