This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
