Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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