Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
