Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
