is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
