I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
