I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize