i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize