I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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