thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
