if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
