I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
