why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
