chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
