My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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