Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
