last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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