Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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