It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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