why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
