Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize