Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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