hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You pole danced in your parka.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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