Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize