1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
