from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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