I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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