dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
