dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
