why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
