then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it fun? or sober?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
