I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Green mimosas i think yes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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