It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
