Got a toothbrush?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
