Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
