I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
