yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
