so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
