quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The air was thick with penises
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
