need another drink. this is the easiest way
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
