Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
