Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
