It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
